INCLUSION.
The Trouble Tree invites children to acknowledge worries and express them in a safe environment created by the parent. I first came across this idea in a creative visualisation by Jenny Wall and found it so inviting that I began to use it as a communication tool in my practice. I found it to be most successful with young children but a modified version may be created for older children so please take up the idea and then make it your own.
Listening in this way presents other kinds of challenges for parents as hearing that your child has troubles or worries can be very painful. As adults we tend to sometimes think of childhood nostalgically choosing only to remember carefree days of sunshine and happiness. Upon deeper reflection inside your own experience I’m sure you will remember that it was not always experienced thus.
The Trouble Tree is not about solving problems so it removes the need,if not the urge to makes everything better. Your role in this exercise is to facilitate the child’s discovery and identification of his own distress. For many parents in the beginning it is difficult to listen quietly and not go into FIX-IT mode. You may of course clear up any misunderstandings and troubles of that nature at a later time but the exercise is one of recognition and release;active listening will serve you both as you learn to engage in this way.
Allowing your child express small hurts in this way sends them the message that they are part of ordinary life and shows that they do not have to be suffered alone. It also shows the child that you have confidence that they can and will overcome them by acknowledging them first then letting them go.
THE TROUBLE TREE
If you are willing to explore this idea further you may choose to set aside some dedicated one-to-one time at the end of the day to fully explore this exercise with your child. Encourage your child to play along thereby beginning the practice of reflection.
Pay attention to the physical needs of both first. Are you sitting comfortably,warm enough,been to the loo and have a drink of water nearby.
This defines the space clearly and it is up to you as the adult to hold this boundary throughout. When the space is created begin.
Take your time with this and ask your child to close his eyes and see if he can look at his belly button from the inside. Remember you are introducing him to his inner environment,so notice things like his breathing and wait until he is relaxed and ready to move on.
Ask the child to imagine taking a walk in an outdoor environment that would be restful for him. Guide him to notice smells,textures,sound etc,as you evoke all his senses. Then gradually describe to him a path that leads to small woods which has a clearing at its centre.
Again include the senses and pay attention to his breathing as small children can easily fall asleep if this part takes too long. The clearing is where the child will find his Trouble Tree. Let him describe it to you and no matter how nonsensical it may be that is the right tree for him.
Once there,invite your child to search inside his body for any troubles from the day. Guidance rather than direction is the key,but much like adults children tend to store tension in their tummy,the back,the neck or he may find that for him it is somewhere else. W here ever the child say it is,is the right answer. There does not always have to be troubles but by including them you give a child the message that it’s normal to have distressing feelings.
Once located the troubles are taken out of the body and hung on the low branches of the Trouble Tree for the wind to blow them all away.
At first your child may be shy to speak his troubles out loud and remember it’s your response to what he says that will be pave the way for further disclosure. A little one may feel worried if you were angry with them during the day and it has to be safe enough for them to say this without you going back to the incident justifying why you were cross.
For the parent this is an exercise in listening as the child learns to differentiate and express his emotions. The child learns that his body relaxes and releases tension with expression and he feels secure in the knowledge that he is loved even when he feels bad. For you it also helps to differentiate between the child and his behaviour as your understanding of his inner world increases.