Every child has a legitimate need to be noticed,understood and taken seriously by their parents.
It is therefore vital that we as parents have some understanding of his attempts at communication prior to words. This way we also respect and value the deep need within a child to relate to other people.
In psychosynthesis a person is seen to be:Embodied. Dynamic.Complex. Relational.
The last of these,Relational is the aspect most concerned with language although we are always in relation to the other three. The urge to relate comes not only from an instinctual drive for survival and belonging within our group but also from a deep yearning for self-expression.
There is a need shared by all people:to be seen,heard and accepted,as part of something greater than ourselves.
Language simply put,is communication between one person and another.
The development of language as a tool sets us apart from the animal kingdom. With its development came the possibility to communicate about things not physically present,ideas not yet in existence.
Language also created the possibility of passing on of experiences from one generation to the next so that our children may learn from others that have gone before them.
The real beginning of language for the child is the nonverbal communication between mother and baby in the first few weeks of life. This early attempt to relate begins a process for the child,which over time culminates into formalized speech. This first relationship starts an on-going process of socialization that begins with the mother/baby bonding process rather than with the use of words.
The motivation for language is pleasure and is entirely based on the joy of relating and communicating.
“Careful video-taped studies of mother-baby pairs have shown that,from the very beginning these social sessions have all the qualities of,‘conversation’except that they do not employ words.
The baby,still looking at the mother,changes his facial expression:perhaps he wrinkles his brow. The mother reacts saying,”you’re getting tired,aren’t you?
The baby makes a small sound and moves his arms and once again the mother answers,perhaps making the same face and tightening her arms in a cuddle.
It will end when the baby breaks the eye contact by closing his eyes or turning his head or simply ceases to focus” (Leach1983)
In these early conversations mothers imitate baby rather than it being the other way round. Baby will stick his tongue out and mother follows by doing the same,mirroring the baby’s actions for him.
“When a baby’s face wrinkles into the sad expression that comes before crying,the mother will imitate the face and will probably say,
Oh dear….in sympathetic tones. Quite unthinkingly she tells the baby,this is what the face looks like and this is the feeling meaning it conveys.” (Leach 1983)
This mirroring and making meaning is vitally important for language learning and continues to be necessary throughout early childhood.
At around three months the baby will have fallen into the conversational rhythm of taking turns with smiles,sounds,expressions and movements. He will have begun to differentiate between the human voice and other sounds and will stop a conversation when it is interrupted by another noise.
Between three and six months the baby will recognize particular people’s voices and look for that face when they hear their voice. This is the stage when word games are of special value like;round and round the garden,or this little piggy……
These games serve many functions in preparation for speech. They are played in a fun context,which are meant to bring pleasure;they have rhythm,which usually builds to a climax allowing the child time to organize his responses.
They require only the child and his partner so he can benefit from one-to-one communication without the distraction of having to answer.
It is important to remember that the toddler is not trying to learn to say words but to communicate with you. The more attentive you are with your listening,understanding and sharing in his pleasure at getting it right,the more he will be stimulated to try.
Constant correcting or pretending you do not understand will only cut across the pleasure principal in language learning and result in apathy from the child. Averages ages for acquiring words are never a good idea as each child acquires words at their own pace and many children understand dozens of words before it occurs to them to use one particular sound to refer to one particular person or object.
Language is still tied up with pleasure rather than need so for most children it’s use begins with name-labels,these are words for people and objects s/he finds exciting,pleasurable or much loved.
The early single words are usually words that are relevant to the child i.e. cup,teddy etc and have a physical presence when spoken.
This means the child sees the object,cup,when he hears the sound,cup. Picture books with representational images help build up his vocabulary of naming words.
With loving encouragement over time your child will begin to string words together. These are usually action or descriptive words forming word pairings,i.e. soft teddy or hit ball.
Stringing words together is not really talking,although it is about communicating and relationship so grammar is not important yet. Words are tools for communicating and are only useful to a child when the meaning is understood.
The important thing to remember is they are beginners and take time to repeat words often while showing the object to the child. They are collecting name-words and will often ask,‘what’s that?’ It is the name they are looking for rather than an elaborate explanation,so only answer what is asked or the child may get muddled.
As children grow more accomplished with language they will want to talk all the time but remember they need to practice the sounds,the inflections and the effect of their words.
“Now they have to learn to use words for that most important purpose:communicating about things which are not in the room but in their heads and for expressing ideas which are theirs alone.” (Leach 1983)
This is a lovely stage when your child will talk about abstract ideas and needs to build up more words for the purpose of thinking. This is a time when ideas may become fixed in a child’s mind about himself and the world about him so speak with mindfulness and pay attention to your own language. The power of words is discussed in another post you might find interesting.